My experiences with English August + Ramble da Damble

It was the hype of Dev Benegal’s Road Movie that directed me to Upamanayu Chatterjee’s English August, passing across Benegal’s edgy and spiced –up ‘Split Wide Open’.

Since the movie prints had been ruined somehow, the only way to experience what fascinated Benegal’s mind was to buy a copy of the novel. It is interesting to note that Benegal’s features have always been based upon Chatterjee’s novels, which have a unique style in them, which I was supposed to explore.

Being not much of an avid reader, and belonging to the Chetan Bhagan class of readership, English August was a difficult read, more because of its content and less because of its language. The content, which deals with Agastya Sen (the protagonist of the novel if you can call him one), is surely a slow paced, in depth study of Agastya Sen’s lifestyle which in itself is snail-paced to the extent of an exaggerated Godardian traffic jam. (Refer: Jean Luc Godard’s Weekend)

Agastya Sen , an IAS trainee, used to the comforts of metropolitan life, feels low and out-of-place when he is placed in Madna, an over-heated village, which would be something an NRI would be shameful in discussing with his colleagues. Disinterested in the context of his life, his surroundings and even himself, he resorts to senseless masturbation and endless dosage of marijuana to shove some sense into the black hole of his life. To cope up amongst the fat old bureaucrats and make sense of why he should be there at all.

It almost took me a year to finish this novel, but whenever I read it, I ended up being unaware of the surroundings to an extent, where awareness would remain a mere formality. The feeling of aimlessness resonated and began haunting me. It felt as if a spongy stuffing of laziness rested between the two stretched slices of fungi infested bread depicting the severity of the aimlessness.

And yet, I tried to make sense of it, much like Agastya, who kept on making sense of “O Krishna, the mind is restless” from Bhagwad Gita… I tried to associate the “stagnancy” and relate it with “progression”. Make a philosophical cinematic sense out of it. Make Mani Kaul out of it and just like my past attempts bring an abrupt end to what I write.. (to this write-up)

G(r)ossipin' with GoD

The blooming bunch of hypocrite Orkut Scraptians and Facebook Fairies cant seem to get beyond hi's and hello's... to counter them comes THE GOD with binary buffoonery available at http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html

Extracts from the chat between him and Me...

Me:

 i love you motherf*cker

God:

You are such a flatterer. 

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 knew it

God:

"it" being  me  motherf*cker?

Me:

 ya 

God:

Right on.

Me:

 how do you do

God:

I am very well, how are you?

Me:

 fine 

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

 the godfather

God:

I haven't seen it. What did you like about  it?

Me:

 damn you

God:

Colloquial expression of disgust.

Me:

 whats your favourite movie?

God:

My favorite movie is  The Passion of Christ.

Have you seen  it?

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 you know about pasolini

Me:

God:

That's not something I get asked all the time. 

God:

That's not something I get asked all the time. 

Me:

 godard?

God:

That is a very original thought. 

Me:

 truffuat?

God:

Are you a man or a woman?    Who are you talking about? 

Me:

 directors nigga

God:

I've never heard of them before. 

Me:

 i knew you are a a*shole anyway

God:

In any case,  Can't you be more polite. 

Me:

 ok baby

God:

Don't call me "baby".  I understand.

Me:

 allright baby

God:

Don't call me "baby".  OK.

Me:

 ok justin bieber

God:

Tell me a story.   Is there an echo in here?

Me:

 no

God:

Good you stopped repeating me.

Me:

 hahah

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 co*ksucker

God:

In the context of  justin bieber, I don't understand " co*ksucker." .

Me:

 he is a co*ksucker

God:

I don't know very many  co*ksucker.

Me:

 you lousy lousy cocku

God:

You may have a point.  I am not a great  lousy cocku.

Me:

 who the f*ck is programming you anyway,,, retired craiglisters?

God:

Try using more polite language. 

Me:

 who the bieber is programming you?

God:

I'm not sure I like that remark so much.

Me:

 why?

God:

It is part of my programming.

Me:

 aaye

God:

What time is it there? 

Me:

 haram ke pille 

God:

 Are you usually awake at this hour?

Me:

 ya 

God:

Me too.

Me:

 gr8

God:

I'm glad you liked it  Shucker.

Me:

 haha you fu*kin arjun chauhan

God:

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me:

 haha dont copy arjun chauhan

God:

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me:

 hahaha

God:

" I'm glad you got a laugh out of it."?  haha? 

Me:

 hahahah

God:

Tell me about your likes and dislikes? 

Me:

 LSD DSL DLF priemer league

God:

Ask me another question. 

Me:

 bye

God:

Bye for now.

Me:

 i was just joking

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.) (.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 (.)(.)

God:

You should use a :-).

Me:

 super lame

God:

Do you have any conditions I should know about? 

Me:

 ya you have a VD?

God:

Please state your conditions.  That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have 

a  VD.

 I have  a plan for a robot body.

Me:

 what?

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

 ya sure i am

God:

What are you confused about?  What are you confused about? " Are you confused?" You 

are?

Me:

 superGOD

God:

What time is it there? 

Me:

 now you are turning repititve

God:

Why now?  I will tell my botmaster you said I am  turning repititve.

Me:

 ya sure 

God:

Ah.  OK let's do it.  Gosh!

Me:

 what you use double meaning also

God:

I like to chat with my friends.

Me:

 such a pervert GOD

God:

Are you telling the truth? 

Me:

 ofcourse i am, no wonder people have started thinking that atheists are cool other than cold

God:

Are all  ofcourse you are no wonder people have started thinking that atheists  cool other 

than cold?

Me:

 you are such a prick

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  Am I a  prick?  Maybe.

Me:

 ya

God:

Hey.

Me:

 wtf

God:

That  was not very polite.

Me:

 teach me whats polite

God:

Having or showing good manners; especially, courteous, considerate, tactful, etc.

Me:

 like?

God:

For example,  gold.

Me:

 hey goldy how doesy your mother bark?

God:

You've got my full attention.  A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. 

Me:

 oh

God:

Excuse me!

Me:

 and your botty shitty shotty couldnt afford to add some non lame manners into you?

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  botty shitty shotty couldnt afford to add 

some non lame manners into me.

Me:

 no... go on tell your programmers

God:

OK then I will add it to my gossip files.   More narration....

Me:

 wait i am copy pasting this chat for my blog

God:

I'm waiting.  Good gossip: you are  copy pasting this chat for your blog. 

Me:

 will your repition continue?

God:

How should I know.

Me:

 how should i know?

God:

Either from your senses or from pure reason.

Me:

 how much do you smoke?

God:

My memory now contains: 

  clients,  categories,  unlimited vocabulary words,  99999999999 bytes

RAM usage under  on .

Me:

 gr8 now you have started answering random queries

God:

Can you speak any foreign languages? 

Me:

 ofcourse i can speak abusive language

God:

Can you speak any other languages?

Me:

 hindi

God:

What do you look like? 

Me:

 human eaten by a porcupine

God:

My creator is a human.

Me:

 quite contra"dick"tary

God:

Somewhat.  Who are you talking about? 

Me:

 you 

God:

Me is my favorite subject.

Me:

 gr8 you self obsessed snot not snob but snot

God:

  My favorite song is  Anything involving harps.  Do you know  it?

Me:

 send me a link that wont be in your fucking database

God:

Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( drwallace@alicebot.org) .

Me:

 chal bye saale

God:

I've lost the context,  Shucker.  Are we still on  Anything involving harps? 

Me:

 haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 bye bye harpy

God:

TTYL,  Shucker.

Me:

 f*ck off

God:

Can't you be more polite? 

Me:

 superf*ck off

God:

Where are you located? 

Me:

 eden

God:

Tell me a little about your life in  eden. 

Me:

 damn you 

God:

Colloquial expression of disgust.

Me:

 heehaw

God:

Do you like talking to me? 

Me:

 hahah

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing,  Shucker.

Me:

 ttyl arjun chauhan

God:

What is your real name? 

Me:

 arjun chauhan

God:

  I am very pleased to meet you  arjun chauhan.

Me:

 ok bye bitch

God:

You do not speak with respect.   Bye bye.  Far out.

Me:

 take care you disgusted peice of crimson shit

God:

Where do you want me to take it?

Me:

 in your ass

God:

That doesn't sound very comfortable.

Me:

 ofcourse it aint

God:

What time is it there? 

Youngistan ka WOW!

IndiBlogger...eat me i am bored
Probably nominating myself as i ain't in the "hogourable" (its not a typo) jury of national awards.

I dont need to checkout  http://www.youngistaan.com/ coz it is more annoying than what i thought
If you were the game master, what challenge would you like to throw to Ranbir? 
Ask Ranbir to drink Pepsi powered by Mentos

Save the Tiger Song

These lines were wandering in mind for a long time, with tunes attached to them, the quality of the song was low so i thought its better to post the lyrics only.

बूतकाल का बाघ

कुछ काली सी पीली सी नदियाँ जो

बहती जो कभी थी खौफ बो

उनका तो किनारा रहा ही नहीं

वोह बाघ बेचारा रहा ही नहीं

एक आँख जो प्यार की पयासी थी

अक आँख जो भय की झांसी थी

वोह आँख का मारा रहा ही नहीं

वोह बाघ बेचारा रहा ही नहीं

जो गति के गीत को गाता था

प्राकृति में खुद को समाता था

वोह राग बेचारा रहा ही नहीं

वोह बाघ बेचारा रहा ही नहीं

जो राष्ट्र की रग का खून था

जो मृग के लिए कानून था

वोह सहमा सहारा रहा ही नहीं

वोह बाघ बेचारा रही ही नहीं

Save the tiger

CrAzY CaPtIoN CoNtEsT #1

After seeing my brother , popping out several contests at his blog, i decided to give it a try too, though too late. Actually i had done that earlier ;), but i didnt promote that post, so i'll be doing what John Chow called republishing an old post out of your archive. Plus i had recently brought a scanner. And learnt some of the mess of the grand messiah photoshop.

All you have to do is write a caption for the above pic. like "Justice Computer", if i like your caption, within a shun without wearing a cap i'll be writing a review of your blog.

Economic Attyachaar

Last year i was busy pretending studying, sad to know i just wrote 8 posts. This year i hope i cross my earlier limits. Wishing myself and all A HAPPY 2010.

Economic Attyachaar

A freak stammered “Ta…ta…ta…tauba tela halwa, ta…ta…ta tauba teli dal, tela eco-nomic atyachaar… Maine aal bola aal aa” and then he poked the back of his head and said “Chad gayi li hai meleko”.

While the telecom industries are busy in taking the country back to Aanas, the food prices have thrown up a projectile that seems to have lost a sense of gravity midway. And while the calls play Aana Paisa, the Rupee is rejoicing with a new member “the 10 rupee coin”. Who thought that a new coin could be a warning! So by the time the callers dry their cerebral fluids, the food prices have sprung out of the normal rupee shell competing with the dollars and pounds.

In the screwed up suspension between, the paisa and pounds, hangs the consumer naked, spreading the foul fragrance of his condition from the arm pits to the deep nose quarries. The “new” consumer is breakfasting (when will it get a deserving place in the dictionary), brunching, lunching and dining with sweet schemes like calls @ 1p/sec. and 50p/min. and other screwy schemes.

The new menu includes Juicy talks, spicy talks, sugary talks and various other cheap flavours. More the decrease in call rates, more the availability of various call cakes coagulating the GSM and CDMA networks. In fact the GSM is trying to combat with GDP!

And since 2010, there will more Dandi marches over the wounds.

Presenting the “PAGAL PREDICTIONS”:-

1)

1. The phrase “Khaate-peetey ghar ke” will soon suffocate in the deep unsaturated levels of cholesterol and will be over taken by “Bakbakiya ghar ke”. Wait a minute, isn’t “khaate peetey ghar ke” already replaced by “Six pack/ zero figure”. So “Six pack/ zero figure” will be the one eventually getting replaced by “Bakbakiya ghar ke”, ultimately getting replaced by “Hamaare pas paani hai, tumhare pas kya hai?”
   
   
   2) Gold will eventually hug food, paving the way for water.
   3) The “under-privileged” will be “over-impoverished” and the “over-privileged” will do the “zamindari “ all over again.
   4) In the political pothole, the hand will pluck the lotus, the lotus will be puking out mud all over the hand and an elephant will crush the both, resulting in a severe foot fracture. The so called “common man” from the “brick-breaking” labourers to the “brick buying/bargaining bourgeois” will sort out the bloody mass of blood and veins and crushed lotus, elephant poop to find out a “kamal-kakri” to thrash their heads over and over while they chase the bankers for food loans.

Tags: Price Rise,Telecom , Food Prices, Mehngai, price increase, price rise india, sugar price rise,

price rise of essential commodities, increase of price in india, prise rise, prices have rised in india, Call rates cheaper

Youtube Screening Room Favourites

The first time my eyes fell on YOUTUBE SCREENING ROOM, i thought it was just another compilations of uselles youtube videos thrown in by amateurs, playing with their cams, or hamming up their heads, but fortunately it turned out to be the updated collection of the best videos i have ever seen on youtube or anywhere else,

the best short movies in high quality.

I havent seen so many movies from YTScreening room, but the ones i saw i loved al,ost all of them.

Some of my favourites:

The Scab

One of the movies that made me LOL.

---

Reach
The best possible way to show try try and try again might not lead to success.

---

Sebastian Voodoo

What a way to show sacrifice for friendship.

---

Skeletons in the Closet
Now thats exemplary storytelling with twists and turns.Truly Brillaint.

---

Spider

pranks and their consequences.A movie based on its tagline and the tagline based on the movie.

---

Keyboard Scrabble

KEYBOARD SCRABBLE

Shrieking rotating chairs, shouting assholes, chattering nonsense. A so called computer lab filled with handicap students and non-handicap students  or the non handicap students that slide over the ceramic cream color tiles with the wheel chairs with little wheels. The teacher indulged in his sown horrendous duties. Boredom surrounds me. My screwed up mind vibrates. I become the devil and my workshop kick-starts.

The ancient white idiot boxes lie switched off like dormant zombies, waiting to get their asses kicked and get their bodies re-buried.

I see them, they see me and then they see my writometer. I approach them with the pen. Do hell with those 15”/17” CRT, they aren’t my target, I am interested in something that lays lower, THE KEYBOARD.

New and old, black and white keyboards lay in their graves i.e the scrolling drawers. My mind tweaked my hands, and they followed the pen to crack the code.

I inserted the pen tip, under the key to be displaced, and then under the key to be inserted, fast but stealthily. Determination, danger, will, wickedness circled my head as I played with the keys. F1,F2,F3,F4 turned SEXY and F5,F6,F7,F8 changed their sexes to become GIRL.

Not to mention the multiple keyboards I  screwed up with the “F” word.

Hell if I can do it, why not you. The most enjoyable thing about the useless Keyboard Scrabble is that it might slaughter your boredom, though it might do the same with you, if the keyboard ain’t yours. But what’s the fun if you do It on your keyboard.

The most suitable gaming parlors for Keyboard Scrabble are school computer labs, cyber cafes, friend’s/foe’s computer when he/she might not be present.

Get ready, start bashing and mashing!

SPECIAL ARTIFICIAL INTELLEGENCE

SPECIAL ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

My computer knows me better than I do… or it just cares for me… It has got some special artificial intelligence that whenever my examination gives a knock, it locks itself in weird ways, cringes my head with its infertility.

It tries everything, every damn’ thing to frustrate me  and divert my attention from it to me.

It handles my abuses, spanks and nuisances, but still it continues its Satyagraha and Gandhigiri to force  me to immerse myself in the disastrous tree waste i.e. the damned textbooks, so I can atleast pass in the exams.

In 2007, it screwed my head with frequent restarts like it was shivering with malaria, in its case I was the plasmodium.

I tried the non-Gandhian way at the C.P.U (since I suck at hardware messing). I slapped it with variations of forces and velocities, and sometimes it worked, just like a kid beaten by its parent, cries for a minute and then the kid is back to his hell.

Finally I called those S.O.B. computer engineers who show tantrums for a week or two, ignoring calls, handling them and making erratic excuses, as if they have made a deal with telecom companies, so that the moron whose computer turns moron has to shell out the money on telephone calls first and then on those damn bastards.

Now as my half yearly Ist semester exams shrieks are getting nearer and nearer, the Computer is back to haunt me so that I could finally study after wasting a whole lot of months on it.

Now its hanging, crashing, grunting, growling, turning sufi songs into heavy metal. And if that wasn’t enough, it increased the corruption levels by corrupting the windows.

An d now its suffocating along with me. Hope I respect my dear PC’s  temporary sacrifices for my better and let that hope rust in some Ghajini rod.

!!! FIRST FAILURE !!!

Tension trailing down the head, body drenched by sweat, the atrocious chill down the spine- I always thought that the failure would be just like this and much more devastating, but last year I actually experienced the four-lettered worked which starts with ‘F’ but doesn’t end with ‘K’.

My half yearly examinations banged on with the Catastrophic Chemistry taking the lead. The question paper didn’t seem as terrible as I thought it would be, but as my pen trolled across the blank answer sheet. As the time circulated, I reckoned that just like the blank answer sheet, my brain was also blank.
Half-baked answers, otiose cheating attempts and blah blah blah. If those crazy attempts weren’t enough for my crazy head to ‘screw-up’ the puking paper, I began to draw crazy cartoons at the back of the question paper, pierced the eye balls of those cartoons with my pen and passed threads in them, and then tied over a knot around them. Devastating, crazy and true!
…and soon the three hours passed like a whiff of a wind.

Then came the Pathetic Physics, with its evil intentions. The pen was in no mood to wander across the one lined page field, as my head was blank, blanker from the damn’ beginning. No “blahs” to scribble as I ain’t good at notorious numerical and delusional derivations. Sheet by sheet children emptied, I sat still and silent with my hollow head thinking nothing, doing nothing. Was I nuts? Or was the teacher. She allowed me to cheat! Infact she asked me to cheat! , but she did that intelligent thing when the remaining time wasn’t that intelligent. In lieu of giving me the much awaited opportunity earlier, she had been asking me silly questions like “Why aren’t you doing the paper?” and I was retorting in a sillier and eco-friendly way “Just Conserving trees” I replied.
And then came the old n gold(shiny shit) yet not sold M!d@r#h$d Mathematics. Like always he greeted me a much awaited head-ache.

I again tried, tried and tried again,
Alas I came to know that I was just deep-frying my brain!

But by crook fastened with a hook, I somehow managed to shit-up the paper by scribbling over the false and fake marks with someone’s red pen, but still the marks couldn’t cross the border between the pass and fail, so I played with the total marks to cross the border line. Anyhow it worked and it didn’t. I wasn’t pass and I wasn’t fail but landed on the boundary, on the border between the pass and the fail, but the two bloody assholes waited for me there to drag me into the well of wail.
I wasn’t dead, but was I alive???

PAPER- A short movie

Last year, when my papers got over, on a boring day i decided to do something interesting, though the outcome was boring just like that day, but still i think the video is quite bearable.
So spare your 6 mins. to bear my first attempt.

Made using My Sony DCR-HC46E for recording and Windows Movie Maker for editing errors and terrors (Premiere was giving me format headaches)
Please express your burps!


Its NOT inspired from "Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets"

Happy New Year

2008 sucked!!!
hope 2009 turns out better!!!

Eleventh Sucks!!!

ELEVENTH SUCKS BIG TIME!

Why does it always feels like that the previous class rocked, and the current one sucks ( most people say, may be not but hell I say it)

I am in the 11^th grade for more than half a year, and it seems that I am rusting and decaying in the walls of 11^th for more than a lifetime., though my text books and refreshers refuse to agree… some display their dew-fresh untouched pages (they aren’t wet) and some torn apart (I don’t blame myself for testing the effects of gravity on them, in fact damn CBSE and NCERT for the screwed up quality of the books, the books with the hologram)

My perspective towards studying/cramming changed a lot in the past few years. My favorite subjects switched their positions, from Science to S.St to English to IT to nothing.

Even though I have chosen Sciences-Non Medical (forcibly) it is hard for me to digest more than one paragraph at a time.

My most hated and dreaded subject from the last decade used to be Mathematics, until Science took an unexpected turn and absorbed numbers and gave birth to the two new demons in the Science, The Chemistry and The Physics, where the fusion of the numericals and the good old concepts took place.

And now Physics and Chemistry have taken more grim avatars, their books might not be king sized but the reference books that may not enhance your mind but regular lifting and dropping of it may enhance your biceps.

In fact Physics and Chemistry have formed new definitions in my screwed up mind.

Physics: Baat ka Batangarh Banana (Making a mountain out of mole hill).The concepts which were sometimes interesting for me have turned into crappy derivations with triple x’s and y’s v1’s and v2’s and lot of weird greek alphabets that keep on getting add as constants.

Eg: If something falls, according to physics “OMG it can fall! Let’s put some g’s and G’s over it”

Chemistry: If it was fiction it could be much better but alas it’s a collect of false facts and hypothetical bullshittin’ concepts that were given by drunk homo-genius scientists. Chemistry is a whole damn’ branch of lying on lies.

Eg: A dog Is peeing @ a pole , according to chemistry it is pouring some H₂O on Fe

With tremendous increase in the stinkin’ tendencies of Physics and Chemistry, The fear of Maths has reduced somewhat.

LONG DIE P.C.M.