Urination? You’re already thinking maybe that this a no-go area even for bloggers. In my recent “Facts”, I noted that the very first time a toilet had ever flushed in a film was in “Psycho”. All of us spend a good portion of lives pissing out urine. It’s something that all human beings have in common. In fact it’s probably true to say that the majority of people spend more time pissing that they do having sex. And yet in films, you are much more likely to watch titillating sex scenes than you are to even catch a glimpse of someone pissing. Sex seems to be acceptable ground but pissing and pooping are still very much “in the closet”.
Everybody has private pissing stories and as examples, I’m going to share two or three with you. Can there really be anyone in the world who hasn’t pissed themselves at some time or another? Yet if you try a “urine” or “piss” search in Microsoft Word Synonyms you get “No suggestions” back. Why?
Well here’s one story. You know how cities these days have very few public conveniences? Well maybe twenty five years ago, I was walking home from a night out that involved several pints of beer and I desperately needed to urinate. I left the main thoroughfare with its pedestrians and lights and Saturday night traffic and wandered through the back gates of a small engineering company. Such relief! Between the waste bins, I pissed out two hot pints, zipped up and went back through the gateway, only to be confronted by a policeman with a torch. What was I doing there? I told him and he made me turn back to show him where I had pissed. He shone his torch on a still steaming puddle of piss and with a second experience of relief let me go.
And once I got very drunk when Shirley and I lived in a little one-bedroom flat. In the middle of the night, I got up in a drunken stupor and headed for the wardrobe. I took out her two red wellington boots and filled them with piss even though the bathroom was only two metres away. I guess I was dreaming - but of what I will never know.
Then there was the time I got something very horrible and very painful called a urethral stricture – something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone apart from George W. Bush, Tony Blair and the entire Israeli military. I had to have an operation to allow me to piss naturally again while a tube in my bladder did a temporary job. Straight after the operation, I was an Olympic pisser. A full bladder would be expelled in two seconds flat. Talk about siphoning the python? I felt as if I could be a one-man fire brigade with no need for hoses!
We all urinate – every day. Old people often smell of it. Babies fill nappies or diapers with it. Every public or private building where people work or spend money contains lavatories for pissing in and yet we don’t talk about it much, sing about it, read about it, include it in our films and plays. It’s almost a taboo subject and that’s why I made this particular blog entry about it. Are you brave enough to share a urination story of your own?
Well here’s one story. You know how cities these days have very few public conveniences? Well maybe twenty five years ago, I was walking home from a night out that involved several pints of beer and I desperately needed to urinate. I left the main thoroughfare with its pedestrians and lights and Saturday night traffic and wandered through the back gates of a small engineering company. Such relief! Between the waste bins, I pissed out two hot pints, zipped up and went back through the gateway, only to be confronted by a policeman with a torch. What was I doing there? I told him and he made me turn back to show him where I had pissed. He shone his torch on a still steaming puddle of piss and with a second experience of relief let me go.
And once I got very drunk when Shirley and I lived in a little one-bedroom flat. In the middle of the night, I got up in a drunken stupor and headed for the wardrobe. I took out her two red wellington boots and filled them with piss even though the bathroom was only two metres away. I guess I was dreaming - but of what I will never know.
Then there was the time I got something very horrible and very painful called a urethral stricture – something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone apart from George W. Bush, Tony Blair and the entire Israeli military. I had to have an operation to allow me to piss naturally again while a tube in my bladder did a temporary job. Straight after the operation, I was an Olympic pisser. A full bladder would be expelled in two seconds flat. Talk about siphoning the python? I felt as if I could be a one-man fire brigade with no need for hoses!
We all urinate – every day. Old people often smell of it. Babies fill nappies or diapers with it. Every public or private building where people work or spend money contains lavatories for pissing in and yet we don’t talk about it much, sing about it, read about it, include it in our films and plays. It’s almost a taboo subject and that’s why I made this particular blog entry about it. Are you brave enough to share a urination story of your own?
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