Men and women are both in the kitchen. Everyone serves, sets, collects, and cleans.
No one talks about how little they ate for a month in order to fully enjoy those three potatoes on their plate.
Barbies are banned. Unless someone has invented a Barbie that has a real woman's body.
There is dust, because no one spent the whole day sweeping, mopping, swiftering, scrubbing, and waxing. The world is made of dust, after all, and everyone understands.
Blow-dryers, flat-irons, curling-irons, and hairspray are all left untouched.
Little girls savagely rip wrapping paper. Ladylike behavior is absolutely not allowed.
Heels? They make for very unique tree ornaments.
Women scratch their eyes. Eyelashes are not paralyzed by mascara.
Gift tags from married couples read, "From Ms. Barbara Dell and Mr. Barbara Dell."
And even though it's Christ's day, everyone remembers to celebrate his mother, Mary, who gave birth to him. (No one calls her The Virgin at this party.)
Happy Holidays!
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