Monday Morning Motivation

Happy week loves! I don't know about everyone else, but it was SO difficult to get up this morning. I was really lacking in the motivation department after such a nice weekend! I have never wanted to go back to bed so badly.

I've decided to share some Monday humor with everyone in hopes to put a smile on some faces and kick start the week!! Some of these had me cracking up hysterically at my desk!

Will she ever crack a smile?! I'm thinking no if she couldn't even for the Opening Ceremonies in her home country!

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Ain't that the truth!

Hope everyone's Monday gets a little better!!

The Porta Potty Prank

Jurk!

In German, no translation necessary...

Stay Safe Out There Tonight

I was just bitching complaining to Georgia about a couple of lame safety warnings for fireworks for the July 4 holiday that came down in email from up above.  Such warnings are deeply annoying to me, presupposing that I'm already safe,well mostly, and that the people who aren't won't heed the warnings anyway.

Such notices would be much more effective with a suitable example of things not to do.  The following video would be an excellent teaching aid.  Warning, it's a little NSFW because, well, kids are kind of stupid.



Found at Hot Air.

We'll be going down to the beach tonight to observe the highly illegal and completely independent fireworks display put on spontaneously by some of the more adventurous denizens of the beaches.  Hopefully, nothing like the above will happen.  Pictures later, I hope.

Hot Chick Burns Boyfriend

The Classical Liberal links to this in "Hot Legs!" Special thanks to Wombat-Socho who featured this in his weekly Rule 5 post "Touch and Go" over at The Other McCain.

PSA - How Not to Use Expanding Foam

Great stuff, but you do have to watch what your doing with it...

Your Friday Monkey Dacker Comedy Duo

Give that monkey citizenship.

Tell on Me

Based loosely on Ben King's "Stand By Me".



The original, sorta...

God and Lawn Care

GOD: "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan.Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles."

ST. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring.It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

 Swiped from Theo's.

A Pretty Good Joke

Maybe a little NSFW..



Picked up in midweek by the Classical Liberal in "Rule 5 Forever".

She Literally Makes a Puppet Out of Him

Elizabeth Warren's Recipes: Also Not Indian

Dining Out on Dubious Identity

In recent weeks, much hay has been made of Elizabeth Warren’s claim to an American Indian background, in favor of which proposition the candidate has presented as evidence her mother’s stories, her family’s high cheekbones, and, perhaps most risibly, her contributions to the 1984 Pow Wow Chow cookbook. As yet, nobody seems to have picked up a copy of the volume and prepared any of the “Cherokee” meals that Warren submitted under her name. Intrigued by the prospect, I thought I’d do just that.

As an appetizer, I chose Warren’s recipe for “Mexican Oatmeal Soup.” Despite its name, this dish is somewhat geographically homeless, consisting mostly of chicken broth and a handful of other ingredients not associated with anywhere in particular. Thanks solely to the chopped tomatoes that float at the surface, there are a few dabs of color in the mix, but along with the somewhat egregious oatmeal that never quite becomes part of the whole, these are anomalous curiosities in what is essentially chicken-flavored water. It was a disappointing start.

For the entrée, I prepared another Warren contribution: the crab omelet with tomato mayonnaise dressing. Where exactly the Cherokee would have sourced either cognac or Worcestershire sauce — both key parts of the dressing — and at what point in their 6,000-plus-year history they elected to develop a line in mayonnaise remain unanswered questions. Still, French television chef and immigrant to the United States Pierre Franey, who originally wrote the recipe for the New York Times in the late 1970s, would likely not have run into much trouble on either count. Franey developed the omelet at Le Pavillon, a high-end French restaurant in New York City, and its fans included the likes of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and Cole Porter. It appears that Elizabeth Warren simply copied the recipe word for word and substituted in her name.

Ah, plagiarism, the greatest academic crime imaginable; taking credit for someone else's work.

There is, however, little to indicate that crab was ever an Indian favorite — especially in landlocked Oklahoma or the territories where the Cherokee lived. There is some evidence that tribes in both Delaware and the Puget Sound area caught and ate the creatures, and the Cherokee and other peripatetic tribes may have eaten seafood when they traveled to meet with other groups in other parts of country during conferences, or “powwows.” But, other than that, crab is no more associated with the Cherokee than gumbo is with North Dakotans.

At least the tomato descends from a plant domesticated by the Aztec.So maybe the dish is  1/32 Indian after all.

Uncle Drew

Watch out for those old guys....

A Feminist Christmas

Men and women are both in the kitchen. Everyone serves, sets, collects, and cleans.

No one talks about how little they ate for a month in order to fully enjoy those three potatoes on their plate.

Barbies are banned. Unless someone has invented a Barbie that has a real woman's body.

There is dust, because no one spent the whole day sweeping, mopping, swiftering, scrubbing, and waxing. The world is made of dust, after all, and everyone understands.

Blow-dryers, flat-irons, curling-irons, and hairspray are all left untouched.

Little girls savagely rip wrapping paper. Ladylike behavior is absolutely not allowed.

Heels? They make for very unique tree ornaments.

Women scratch their eyes. Eyelashes are not paralyzed by mascara.

Gift tags from married couples read, "From Ms. Barbara Dell and Mr. Barbara Dell." 

And even though it's Christ's day, everyone remembers to celebrate his mother, Mary, who gave birth to him. (No one calls her The Virgin at this party.)


Happy Holidays!

Live a little, LAUGH a lot

In honor of Pinterest (my beloved favorite-bestest-awesomest-coolest website ever) I have decided to post a few things that have made me laugh this week. I seriously wish I could get paid for all of the Pinning I do. Anyways, here is my link to anyone who wants to see my account.

This one makes me laugh because my roommate is sick this week and I hear at night through the walls is her coughing up a storm!