Patience

Given the frustrations and pressures of life in the western world, I realise that a number of bloggers are anxious to make the move to Blogland as soon as possible. I mean, who wouldn't want to escape from news of the depressing Syrian crisis, the battle for the Republican presidential nomination in America, the Cameron and Clegg double act, rising petrol prices, news of greedy bankers' undeserved bonuses, "Reality" TV programmes,  chicken nuggets, pot holes in the road and inclement weather? However, my friends, patience must be your watchword.

All of the planned residences are now constructed. Just last week, a team of gardeners arrived from Myanmar, or Burma as I still prefer to call it, to beautify public areas with a vast array of flowering tropical plants from the exotic bougainvillea and hibiscus to the delicate golden shrimp plant, the ginger flower and the aromatic frangipani. Also you will be pleased to know that the Joshua Tetley brewery have delivered twenty five eighty litre barrels of their best bitter along with the required pumping mechanisms to channel their best Yorkshire nectar to the Caribbean cocktail bar that overlooks our sumptuous new swimming pool. I have personally hired a vicious ex-Army Alsatian guard dog called Titan who is now tethered to the barrels just in case any of the lowly paid Burmese gardeners develop a craving for Yorkshire beer.

Aung San Suu Kyi (Rhymes With Sushi) before our meeting near Rangoon

So what's the hold up? Mainly it's to do with background legal matters and the official transfer of Lampi Island to the full ownership of Blogland plc. Recently, I flew out to Rangoon to hold discussions with opposition leader - the legendary Ms Aung San Suu Kyi. A Sloughhouse chicken was killed in my honour and later we consumed our gaeng gai bama on the bamboo terrace that overlooks her jungle garden. It turns out that she is also a Hull City supporter. I gave her a few welcome tips about ousting the current military regime before we signed our legal agreement. She said she'd love to visit Blogland some time - not just for a holiday but to meet "that hunky" R.Brague whose photograph she apparently came across while surfing the net. "He's a  hot dude. Is Miss Ellie coming with him to live in Blogland?" I wasn't sure.

I understand that seamstresses will arrive on the island this coming week to measure up for curtains. Back at their mainland factory - Tropical Cabin Curtains Ltd - they have a wide array of fabrics in an infinite range of colours and patterns. They desperately need to know what kind of curtains you would prefer for your cabin or villa - to give it that personal touch. Please advise in the "Comments" section after this fascinating update. Thank you in anticipation.