Bournville

Following on from my last post, I had a sudden brainwave which I will share with you now. No doubt some crafty publisher will pick up on the idea and make a fortune from it while we continue to eke out a primitive existence in our cramped Yorkshire hovel. After all those books about things we ought to do before we die, how about a book that covers the things we'll be glad we don't have to do or experience any more when we are dead? A running title could be "Sigh When You Die!" Here's my initial list of things that the dead will surely not miss:-

1. Scraping dog muck off your shoes.
2. Getting down on your hands and knees with some disinfectant to scrub away the trail of dog muck you have just left on the carpet.
3. Using self checkout facilities in supermarkets.
4. Having to pay to park your car and then constantly checking your watch to see how much time you have got left.
5. David Cameron.
6. So-called "talent" shows on the television including "X Factor" and "Britain's Got Talent".
7. Dark chocolate such as that foul Cadbury's "Bournville".
8. Having to take unsolicited mail and unread free newspapers to the recycling bin outside.
9. Fuming at drivers you see talking bollix on mobile phones as they career dangerously round corners.
10. The media's obsession with talentless celebrities and the dull details of their uninspirational and often seedy lives.
11. The waste of young men's lives in wars and military adventures we should not be involved in.
12. The foul odour of cigarette smoke.
13. Arguments about the merits and aesthetic beauty of Wolverhampton.
14. The British obsession with beating the nation up instead of celebrating the best features of what is actually a fantastic and beautiful country that has given so much to the world and continues to produce very caring, innovative, hard-working, creative and brave people. (like me for example!)
15. Religious extremism of any hue - from Islam to the Mormons.
16. Badger-baiting, cock fighting, hare coursing, bullfights etc.
17. Litter.
18. Commercial breaks in TV programmes you enjoy watching.
19. Household chores like vacuum cleaning, washing windows and making the bed.
20. The last hospital you ever visit - with strangers beating on your chest, checking the fading bleeps on the monitor you were hooked up to. Bleep...bleeeep...bleeeeeeeeeeeeeee - as Roy Orbison sings "It's Over".

What would be on your list?