That Damn Week of Positivity...

I am officially one week late on my follow-up post for my week of Extreme Positivity. (And I know you've been checking, because I check my google stats, even when I'm not blogging.) So I'm sorry.

In short, my week of Extreme Positivity was hard and I didn't like it, and I didn't want that to be how I started this blog post.

For a week, I wrote and re-wrote this post, trying to find a positive authentic spin on my positivity challenge. At heart, I want to- no, I live to- inspire. Whether on stage, over coffee with friends, in writing, or on my yoga mat, I find nothing more gratifying than to have fostered a reaction in another human being that reads, You have touched me.

But I have learned that when I try to force that reaction, I come off as arrogant. My audience shuts down. And I feel the one thing I absolutely cannot stand to feel: inauthentic. 

My week of extreme positivity left me, mostly, unchanged and uninspired. Not that I massively failed at it- no, I had my happy thoughts, my mantras, my good actions, and so forth. I did what I had to do. I smiled and heard my happy music and went to yoga and ate beautiful food and so forth. I focused on the good stuff, even as I was sweating through a fever one night and coughing up my rib cage.

But I didn't like it, and I didn't feel that rush of joy I was hoping to feel. There wasn't a major a-ha moment. And I kept lying to people about it. They'd ask me how my week of positivity was going and I'd, say, "Great!" Because what else could I say? I was being positive.

It's not like I learned nothing, though. I made a few discoveries that felt meaningful and changed my behavior:
- Wit is not often positive. My presence on social media, therefore, suffered from this week.
- Avoiding that which will cause a negative thought is not as hard as it seems. Don't drink as much the night before. Don't take the subway during rush hour. Don't let the dishes pile up. Etc.
- It is possible to catch most thoughts, if you set your mind to it, and shift them from complaints to gratitude. I can't believe they've blocked off this road for construction turns into I'm so grateful there are a dozen men and women willing to work outdoors in the cold in order to ensure proper roads for me. 

I wouldn't say it was useless, no. But it felt like a lot of effort with a side of fake. And it felt somewhat robotic. I am a fan of impulses and reactions- it is one of the reasons I mostly fail at enlightenment- so the week felt like being in an awful lot of control. Not my strength, to be honest.

It was, after all, an experiment. And while I like succeeding and I especially like major breakthroughs, I know I cannot force change or growth, and I am better off looking at things for what they are. There is always some benefit for me in setting up something difficult for myself, and there's always a lot to learn from that which I don't like doing, so I can appreciate it in that sense. But, overall, it was harder than I thought it would be, and the pay-off seemed much smaller than the bargain.

I hope this isn't too disappointing or uninspiring. Several people told me they might want to try it themselves, and I do encourage you to do so. People are different, and this may be a much, much better plan for someone else. And I may do it again myself at some point. I am a different person every day, and positivity will have a different effect on me every time I take it on.

My best advice from this is, take it one step at a time. One thought, one breath, one moment. Positivity, I found, is most comfortable in the present.

Challenge: One Week of Extreme Positivity

I am good at complaining. I play a really good victim. I can make most people feel sorry for me. Ask my ex-boyfriends.

This coming week, my brain already has its favorite complaints ready to shoot out and paint everything a nice dark shade of super-victim...
 
I'm sick. It's tech week. I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm working too hard. I don't get a day off. It's cold. I haven't worked out lately and I feel fat. It's Valentine's Day and I don't have a valentine and I feel old at 26 and my mother wants grandchildren yesterday and my heart is just exploding it's so ready to love so where is he???

It's exhausting.

So, I've proposed a challenge for myself: One Week of Extreme Positivity. (I was going to call it One Week of Not Complaining, but I didn't want a negative in my title). For this week, starting tomorrow, February 13th, I will practice Extreme Positivity. No complaints. No victim act. I will welcome smiles, compassion, gratitude, joy, and love.

Am I planning to just Pollyanna it out? Put on the Mormon smile and let my complaints fester within?

Not exactly, but sort of. I never thought it was healthy to not complain at all. I believe in balance. One must let out the steam. My problem lies in unconsciously shading most situations with, Oh, poor me. The idea is to bring awareness to my mind's fiercest habit and to encourage some, Oh, lucky me!, even in the unlikeliest of circumstances.

Sally Hawkins as Poppy

I loved the movie Happy-Go-Lucky. Sally Hawkins charmed me as Poppy, a somewhat modern, realistic, and accessible grown-up Pollyanna. I remember radiating with positivity all day after I saw that film. My goal this week is to maintain that feeling for a week. Look on the bright side, see the glass as half-full, and make some lemonade out of life's lemons!

How am I going to do it?

I have a plan:

- I've set up my phone to send me reminders 5 times a day along the lines of, "Practice positivity," "Love today," "Breathe in happiness," "Find gratitude."

- I wrote it on my planner: Focus on the good stuff!

- I have dug up the articles of clothing I own that are not black or gray. I think wearing some pink and yellow might help me remember to spread smiles!

- I have set aside five minutes every day for the deliberate contemplation of extremely good thoughts.

I think Lynda Carter would be proud.

- What's the opposite of a victim? My guess is a bully or a hero. Let's go with hero for this week. Wonder Woman is my screen saver for the week.

- I made a play list called Happy Songs. They will start off my day, every day this week.

- I will make a gratitude list at the end of each day.

- Baking makes me super happy, so I'm gathering my favorite recipes and will try to bake at least twice this week. Happy homes smell like chocolate ganache cupcakes as far as I'm concerned!

- Find time for some kind of exercise. It totally helps my mood, whether it's going to the gym, yoga, or taking a dance class. So, this week, even if it's just for 20 minutes, I'm committed to exercising at least four days out of the week.

- Keep a record of how I'm doing throughout each day.

Those are my initial plans. I may come up with or discover more. I do expect that complaining thoughts will still come up, but I am hopeful that I can keep them in check. Even in writing this, I am already feeling an abundance of warmth and joy. I am actually really excited about this- I love setting up time lines for challenges and coming up with a plan for executing them. It makes them seem so much more attainable.

So, here I go! One week of Extreme Positivity! Check back in a week, folks, and feel free to share with me any ideas you have on sustaining positivity!